“This place is a dream. Only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn, and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief.”
— ❤️ Nocturnal Works (@therapyaroha) February 11, 2021
― Rumi#death #quote #quotes #rumi
I have spent a bit of time lately focusing on what motivates me. Understanding myself is important in its own right, but also helps me when I am in an empathic space with others. I started by looking within myself and then I expanded to contemplate what motivates others. Having been in a helping profession means that I have considered motivations many times before, but at the moment I am in a position of transition in my life and I want to make choices which are most consistent with my values, goals and the direction in which I want my life to go.
First is family. This is always central to me and if I have to decide between professions, travel and other considerations on one side and family on the other, family always wins. So, the question is what motivates me next and is consistent with my family priorities? There are a few other things that I prioritise. Knowledge is important. Helping is important. Living consistently with my values is extremely important. Exploring new places, cultures and paradigms is important. This list isn’t exhaustive, but serves as a good starting point.
So, I want to keep family connections, while exploring (new places and new ideas) within a helping context. How might this look? My son is in Aotearoa New Zealand, while my fiancée is in the USA. This has been the case for a while. My son is now in his final year of school and we have discussed me travelling to the USA to be with Tracy (bringing her back to Aotearoa), while he stays with his mum. He will only lack a few months finishing school when I leave. Being away from him is difficult for me, but he is 17 and is developing his own life. I hope to be back in a few months, with my wife.
Months abroad – doing what? I really have no interest in staying in the USA any longer than necessary and Tracy and I have been discussing possibilities, such as doing volunteer work for the months until she can get into NZ. It would be nice to be outside of the English-speaking world awhile – I have three English country passports and need a break from my mother tongue. Travelling and volunteering sounds good, but what is that like in a COVID world?
Tracy and I are getting married online at the end of this month. We will meet later in the year. I will put my things into storage and we will travel together until she can get into NZ. I will most likely discuss some of this here, as it happens.
Looking forward to what lies ahead!
Aroha nui,
Gerald Lee Jordan, MBA, MEd, MCouns ❤️
Have you ever felt that you were destined for “better” things? So many people admit to this. What does it mean? Some imagine that they are destined to make a difference to the world as writers, scientists, leaders – but few achieve these goals. So, what is the basis of this feeling and have they “failed”?
Perhaps the greatness these people have imagined – perhaps you have imagined – is something different than financial success or popularity. Perhaps the greatness imagined is an understanding that we all contain all we need – that all of the answers we seek are actually already inside of ourselves and have always been.
"O Nobly Born, O you of glorious origins, remember your radiant true nature, the essence of mind. Trust it. Return to it. It is home." (The Tibetan Book of the Dead) #compassion #mindfulness #therapy
— ❤️ Nocturnal Works (@therapyaroha) November 5, 2020
Aroha nui,
Gerald Lee Jordan, MBA, MEd, MCouns ❤️
I have been involved in mindfulness – meditation – since 2003. The term “heartfulness” is new to me, but the concept is not. I first encountered heartfulness as metta meditation (loving-kindness meditation) about the same time as I started meditating in 2003. My initial response was that it was somehow less. I was trying to get my mind around the concept of focusing on an object and radiating compassion seemed a bit too fuzzy in contrast. My initial desire to label and make assumptions worked against my own best interests. I wish now that I had opened my mind to metta, for it would have changed many things in my life – things that I have been changing the last couple of years.
Like mindfulness, heartfulness is about focus and openness to yourself. When you meditate, for example, you focus on the breath (or a candle, or object) and as you meditate, you see your thoughts coming and going. Understanding your mind brings peace, as you realise that you are not your thoughts. With heartfulness, you focus on compassion – compassion for yourself and others. When you focus on this, you see your focus on compassion growing. You get the physiological benefits of these positive emotions, but you also learn how to acknowledge and be with your emotions. As your positive emotions relating to compassion grow, you see your empathy for other beings grow and you find that you act with more kindness towards others. Being with your heart, you learn to live in the emotional moment, just as you learn to live in the moment of perception with mindfulness.
There are many ways to practice heartfulness. A common approach is to radiate compassion, focusing first on yourself, then someone you love, then someone to whom you are indifferent, then to someone you dislike and finally to all beings. The idea is that compassion begins with yourself. Using this approach, if you are not able to feel positive emotions of loving-kindness for yourself, you will have difficulty radiating these feelings to others. When I discussed this approach with my teenage son, he said, “It is like when you put the oxygen mask on yourself on the plane, before putting it on others!” Help yourself – or in this case, learn to love yourself – or you will not be able to most effectively help others.
May I be happy,
May I be healthy,
May I be loved,
May I know peace.
May [insert name] be happy,
May [insert name] be healthy,
May [insert name] be loved,
May [insert name] know peace.
May [insert name] be happy,
May [insert name] be healthy,
May [insert name] be loved,
May [insert name] know peace.
May [insert name] be happy,
May [insert name] be healthy,
May [insert name] be loved,
May [insert name] know peace.
May all beings be happy,
May all beings be healthy,
May all beings be loved,
May all beings know peace.
You may choose to do this during the time you have set aside for meditation. You may chose to do this while on the train. Anywhere you can focus without much distraction. Me? I do it after I meditate and just before falling asleep. It puts me in a wonderful space as I drift off to sleep.
You will find that these private meditative thoughts will carry into your everyday life and relationships, as you grow in heartfulness.
May all beings – including you – know peace!
Aroha nui,
Gerald Lee Jordan, MBA, MEd, MCouns ❤️
As we get older, we accept problems with our bodies – stiffness, soreness and other things become our new normal. When these issues start, part of us imagines that this is a normal part of aging. Slowly, the issues mount and we tell ourselves they are all normal. We slowly lose mobility, we slowly learn to live with the pain. We begin to expect so much less from ourselves and forget what it was like for us before. We normalise pain, suffering and lower performance from our bodies.
I had some pain in my neck. I know I work too much at computers, but how much is “normal” stiffness and pain for someone at my age and stage of life? I decided that I would give yoga a go to answer questions like this and see what is behind all of the yoga hype. Sure, those leaving yoga classes at my gym seem to have better posture than most. Sure, those leaving yoga practice seems more comfortable in themselves. Sure, they have a spring in their steps. Is this from yoga or something else? I will be able to comment on this over the coming weeks.
I have thought of yoga for at least four years, but watching my fiancée doing her yoga routine online has brought my desire to try yoga to the forefront of my mind. Thank you so much, Tracy, for inspiring me to try yoga!
Tracy showed me some poses and stretches on Skype. I have also found some YouTube videos and have worked through two of them since my first yoga experience on Monday morning. I ordered a yoga mat from India (which arrived yesterday) and some stretchy shorts from California. I will try to document some of my experiences here because – and this is important – our physical health is not different from our mental health. We create false dichotomies and they confuse us in our abilities to help ourselves. A healthy mind needs a healthy body (the Buddha realised this, after starving himself and understanding this was not the way to Enlightenment). So, my journey in yoga is yet another part of my quest for good mental health, both for myself and others.
Aroha nui,
Gerald Lee Jordan, MBA, MEd, MCouns ❤️
The content on this site is provided to give resources and support to those dying, their loved ones and those providing death doula (end of life) support. When we find out that death is near and the initial shock wears off, emotions and questions flood into our minds. Noctural Works exists as place where you can find out about mental health issues and therapy related to death, dying, grief and bereavement - as well as more practical support, such as planning for death and supporting others on their journey.
The resources on this site are provided by Death Doula Ltd, a company in Aotearoa New Zealand which provides end of life doula support online, in Wellington, Blenheim and Picton (New Zealand). These resources are not legal or medical in nature, so do no rely upon them, but seek legal and medical advice, as required. If you are interested in counselling resources not focusing on death and dying, you can visit our other site, Therapy Aroha.